I got to thinking. One of the hardest things to get past when it comes to my ex is losing my best friend.
I don’t care if he reads this and I don’t care who else reads this. I don’t care if no one reads this. Often people don’t exactly know how I feel or what I’m thinking. I’m constantly keeping things to myself because that’s how I deal with things. Internally. Today, I’m going to be open and completely honest, for no other reason than I feel like letting this out for a change. I don’t care if this gives him the upper hand or if someone judges me as being weak or pathetic. I’m incredibly tired of games and second guessing how I feel or what others might think given this information.
I miss him. I miss being able to come up with silly things for us to do together. I miss deciding that I wanted to do something and knowing he was going to always be up for it. I miss all the loving moments as well. The love yous and curling up in bed together. I miss making him breakfast in the morning and dinner at night. I miss a lot of these things, but most of all I miss my best friend.
On my drive home, I started thinking about it because I wanted to go elsewhere but home. I wanted to go out, maybe watch the FSU game at a bar, drinking beer and eating greasy foods. I want to go to an abandoned rocket facility or to the art museum and I know he’d be up for any of it.
It’s so hard to find someone who can be an adult and a kid at the right times. Who won’t think I’m a child for loving futurama but doesn’t act like a child because I love futurama. You know? Someone who is able to be responsible and hardworking, but also throw caution to the wind when I got an impulse. Someone who isn’t socially awkward and knows how to balance playing by the rules while breaking them at the same time. Someone who didn’t have to try so hard…
I miss having my partner in crime.
How do you get someone to care about losing something worth keeping when that something has lost all value to that person?
Some of the stupid shit I deal with at work:
"So, how much money do you make once you’re a therapist?"
"That depends on where you’re working, the population, whether you accept insurance, etc."
"So, do you make good money?"
"Well, you’re not going to be rich just working as a therapist."
"Ok, but do you make good money?"
"Well, I’m not sure what good money means to you. But you won’t get rich working as a therapist alone."
"Ok, but I mean, I don’t want to put all this time into studying and going to school to just make $40,000.00 a year"
Silence and a look…
"Well, that is quite the realistic scenario as a therapist".
Face dropping and realization sets in.
Side note: she wasn’t actually a psychology student, but an OT student who can’t pass a certain course and has decided psychology and counseling might be easier instead. I have no sympathy for people who think Psychology is easy.
Ugh! I’m going to start reading emails at the end of the day so my day isn’t ruined at the beginning. I really have to keep working on letting others get to me and having such an emotional reaction to negative feedback.
Additionally, I feel that I have to hold back a little more when verbalizing an emotional reaction. There’s just no place for that in the business world. Plus, it’s plain immature to freak out.
Hey, one incident in almost 2 yrs can’t be too bad, right?
My concern is losing the trust and being seen as dependable and level headed so that I can be counted on to make sound decisions…
Sometimes I truly feel like a little kid.