I give up. At least for today. Maybe tomorrow will be different. But probably not.

I have tons to be grateful for (so I’m aware that I’m risking sounding like an ungrateful person with my next few words), but in this moment, I really hate the turn that my life has taken. I’m so freaking unhappy.

Just venting

I’ve been having a rough time lately between the family, work, school, love, and other personal life issues, like my apparent inability to lose weight…. it’s been quite the rollercoaster. I’m feeling drained, sad, sometimes even numb. Like I’m just going through the motions. There are moments when I want to scream, cry, hit something, and so on and so forth. I’m taking shit out on the people who mean me no harm (as usual) and many days I feel like just moving to mars. 

I guess maybe there are too many things on my plate?: I work 40 hours a day as a coordinator (where my job consists of anything from event coordination, graphic design, web maintenance, clinical placement, advising, accountant, host, email machine, filing cabinet, scheduler, registrar, and the list goes on), I teach an undergraduate course, I teach two belly dance courses, I’m taking a graduate class, my family is having issues, and I’m also trying to work out more because I keep gaining weight due to my thyroid problem. I have low blood pressure, low iron levels, and hypothyroidism. Read: low energy. So yeah, maybe I’m kind of exceeding my limits but…I need the money, I can’t abandon my family, I can’t change my medical conditions, and I’m trying to make myself more marketable for when I return to therapy work full time. 

I haven’t had time to get my eyebrows waxed in over two weeks, my nails haven’t been touched and my feet are covered in blisters from the high heels I wear to work and the amount of dancing I do during the week. 

And I just want to say one more thing: 
I have two problems with the recent jenny craig commercials.  1. those ladies look mighty stiff in the torso area, they are definitely wearing fajas and 2. even though jenny craig helps you lose weight, they certainly don’t help you learn how to dance. Those ladies are awful.

OK, I lied one more thing, promise this is the last one: 
Some days I want to be a little kid and say, I want, I want, I want!!! I want a new pair of real running sneakers, leather jacket, blazer, printed pants, jeans that are all tailored to my actual body. And I want more time to read my NDT books, oh and I want a massage, and finally the following three books: walden two, counseling and psychotherapy, and science and human behavior. 

OK, venting over.  

3,716 songs in my itunes

and the first song to play when i hit shuffle is……..

Unsatisfied by Nine Black Alps

Irony, anyone?

You know how songs usually take you back to a place in time, mostly a good place, where you re-live a moment? Today this experience is not working out for me. It’s taking me to a place in time that was full of anxiety, sadness, frustration, unhappiness, indecision, and ugliness. It’s just not what I need right now. I hate it when these cognitive functions backfire.